Saturday, September 19, 2020

With all the crap going on right now - like in the past 24 hours,

 I can't believe I'm still tawkin' about this. Or perhaps with all the things that are making my head explode this is the most inconsequential. I am referring to, in the inconsequential category, this whole Blogger mishegoss. 

All I want is for my blog to look the way I want it to and for some reason it's not happening. I can't have a sidebar and my own custom header in any of the 'old' blogger themes. I can do it in the new-ish themes which are optimized for mobile viewing. those would be the ones that don't show a complete post but rather have just the first part and then a "click to read more'. I HATE 'click to read more'. I DON'T want to do anymore clicking when I get to a blog, I just want to read. 

I'm not sure how the folks who had sidebars in older themes, before the Blogger change, have maintained their formats. If someone knows, can you tell me? 

Some folks are having problems even signing into their blogs but quite frankly I think the problem is just that - they aren't signed in. They are using old bookmarks or just out-of-date shortcuts they created to their blogs. 

I've got a bunch of things I have to get out of my head and I will go write them up on another site. I have 2 junk, free Wordpress identities, one I use to comment on WP blogs that I read, the other was just screwing around with design and format. I'll probably go back and junk that one, it's linked to a junk email address. (I may not have a lot of 'junk' in my home but I sure have a lot of internet junk!)

I kinda like bravenet - easy enough to set up but it is a web site host/builder. It is not a blogging community site, like Blogger or Wordpress. I guess I could just have everyone follow me over there but do I want to change blog addresses yet again? 

As long as I have my blog roll that I can access and keep track of friends and people of interest, that's really all I need. A place to write, that other people will read on a regular basis, that I don't need so much. 

I'm not sure how important it is to be read; rather it is important for ME to read others. So then you might say, and rightly so, "Why have a blog at all? Just write in a journal." That is true, but even if no one knows where to find you, there is still the possibility that someone might and your thoughts are not really secret - they are out there - findable. You are both public and private at the same time, especially if you don't promote your blog/journal. 

Publishing, so to speak, makes you findable, makes you found, makes you seen and heard. Even if you're not - the potential is there. It's sending inner yourself out there into the big wide cold world to make its way. 

Perhaps that should be good enough. 

Thursday, September 17, 2020

Change of Plans

 I woke up this morning in a deep dark funk, a really bad one. I don't know why, nothing in particular going on one way or the other, each day is the same as the one before. Oh, wait could that be it? 

Could not bring myself to make lunch today (our main meal which I have to *gasp* COOK. ) So I ordered in - Chinese - it came late, it was lukewarm. Just more sour icing on my stale cake.

The book I was reading with lunch was just plain stupid. I can't believe I read close to 70 pages before giving it the old heave ho.

I then idly checked my husband's Barnes & Noble Nook app - OHO! He recently bought the latest Eve Dallas book (author: J.D. Robb aka Nora Roberts).  "You bought the new Eve Dallas?" I splurted "and didn't tell me?" My husband, rather disingenuously replied "Oops, I guess I forgot" 

Well now that changed the whole complexion of this day from wan and greyish to a little pink cheekiness of something to look forward to.

While I type this I've got my iPad plugged in for a little extra juice so I can read as long as I want. Then - no more messing around with blogs, blogging, blog platforms or anything inter-webby. No more wallowing in  foggy funk. 

I'm off to while away the rest of the day with Eve Dallas and crew...You should all be so lucky. (Unless of course you have something wonderful going on in the real world.)

Ciao, babies!

Tuesday, September 15, 2020

That's it - I'm fed up to my teeth

 All of a sudden my blog changed all by itself. The side bar disappeared and thus my blog roll disappeared. I've spent the whole damn day trying to get it back to the way it was and no deal.

I've noticed that on some folks blogs their sidebars and blog rolls had disappeared and I'm guessing it's because of the new blogger interface. Every fucking thing on the internet is now optimized for phones. 

There are actually some of us left in this world who do not live our internet lives on the phone. And by 'phone' I mean a smartphone. For all I know there may still be people with landlines. But even for those of us who have eschewed landlines that doesn't mean we have given up our desktop computers, or even laptops. 

And that's another annoying thing. I have all Apple devices and they are all linked to one another. I download a game or something to my iPad and it downloads to my iPhone as well - WTF? So I spent some time today unlinking them - at least I think I have. We'll see.

All I want to do is write about whatever, and maybe spiff up the page a bit and have a damn self-updating blog roll - all things that were easily done on Blogger and not at all on Wordpress, which is it's own little nightmare (unless you want to pay hundreds of dollars, yes, that's right - hundreds!). 

I've been on blogger since 2005. As the years have gone by blogging went from a fun little hobby to a money making proposition - the ones making the money were the web site owners. 

We had, for many years, a nice little community but folks died, got bored - whatever - and there were fewer blogs to read - at least ones I was interested in. I've been switching back and forth between Blogger and Wordpress for a couple of years now, and paying for the privilege. 

I never did find my "tribe" on Wordpress and most of my Blogger tribe has faded away so why the hell am I still putzing around with this crap. 

I'm just not a social person. I never had much use for FB and I've deleted accounts and then re-opened them and now I have a FB account to keep track/in touch with exactly one person. 

I've always been an early adopter - as soon as I saw something new I signed up for it and then found little or no use for it - Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, (My Space even oh so way back in the day). Always signed up, noodled around with them and then - crickets. I never found any use for this stuff but I always liked creating sites...

I liked inventing names and personas which always devolved back into me...I find I can't be anyone else but myself even if there are aspects of myself that I don't show because there are a few kind souls who still follow me around the interwebz and I don't want to hurt their feelings or offend them in anyway - and trust me I can offend people, and shock them as well - but then again, there is a whole lot about me no one needs to know. 

So - back to the question - what the hell am I still doing here?

Monday, September 14, 2020

I am not a philosopher

 Sitting in my in-box is this message from The Universe, from way back in July. 

"When you look at old photos, Grace, it's obvious isn't it? You were good-looking back then. Really good-looking. Yet somehow, at the time, you didn't quite believe it. 
Grace, learn from yesterday, because today you're even better looking than you were then. Way better. You're smarter, too. Funnier. Wiser. More compassionate. Less serious. And you're totally sauntering! "

And I so have to disagree.  Yes, I was good looking back then, really good looking. And yes, at the time I never even thought about it. BUT - 

No, I am not better looking now, there is a certain beauty that comes with youth - no matter how a person's face and body are arranged, if they are young they are beautiful. No matter how life has treated them so far, their youth bestows an inner and outer beauty. If you want a more specific description, I can't give it. Just look, you'll either see it or you won't.

Yes, perhaps I am smarter both via life and books; funnier - yeah, that too.

More compassionate, no, I'm not. I'm old, and jaded and cynical.

Less serious? Oh yeah because when I was young I was very serious. We all were, the world was an ugly bewildering place and we were dying - literally. The fact that none of that has changed? One shrugs one's shoulders.

Sauntering? hell, I can barely walk but they are talking more attitude than agility I think. 

My attitude? Sometimes I still think I have a future and I day dream that future and sometimes I am painfully aware that what I have is a past  - so much past! 

It's not about outside looks, tho those count, they really do and we are lying to ourselves if we say they don't.  And that inner beauty? Where does it come from? It shines through the eyes and through the smiles. It comes from hope and despair. But it also comes from having more future than past. 

When you've used up your future, and looking back, you see the beauty - that's a good thing. But also a sad thing. Joy and sadness, cynicism and hope - they existed then, they exist now, but sadness and cynicism tip the balance now.