Wednesday, March 31, 2010

"It's not all about you" Excuse me?

I hate when people say that. It is often flung at you by the drama kings and queens, who think everything is about them, you ever notice that? Just shake your head in disbelief, and walk away.

Your life is about you – your wants, needs, likes, dislikes, happiness. As long as your choices do not impact, in a material way, negatively on someone else – Well, excuse me – it’s YOUR life.

What brought this up is that I think my brother is pissed at me because I did not offer a reaction when he sent me pictures of his lady friend. As a matter of fact he emailed me back. “You don’t approve?” Excuse me but who the hell am I to approve of someone’s choice in friends/companions/lovers – whatever middle-aged people are calling each other these days. My brother is crazy about this lady and he is happy. Good enough for me. Besides it is none of my business. Repeat – NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

And I am happy for him? Every day of my life I wish for him nothing but happiness. But really – it is all about HIM, it is not about me. It is not my life, it’s his. He is a big boy, with a job, a house, and money in the bank. He does NOT need anyone’s approval. And he sure as hell doesn’t need mine. I am a little pissed that he would even entertain the notion that he needs it. I love him the way a mother is supposed to love her child – unconditionally, forever and ever, no matter what. If he’s happy, that is all that matters.

It has always made me uncomfortable to be asked, “Do you like my new coat/hair cut/apartment/furniture/boy friend” What does it matter if I like it? These choices are YOURS. It is all about what YOU like; what makes YOU happy – not me. I don’t think I have made a habit of asking for other people’s approval. I certainly hope not. Have I made bad decisions? Oh, you bet – more than I care to contemplate. Have other people helped me when the consequences of those bad decisions came back and bit me? Yes, and I love them for it. Still, my life – about me.

If someone asks for my opinion about a life choice they are facing I will help them make a list of pros and cons. I will ask the questions they should be asking themselves. But I will not give them the answers. I don’t have answers for other people’s lives. Hell, I don’t have answers for most of the questions in my own life.

So, to my brother, if indeed he is pissed at me, and even if he’s not – You don’t need my approval for anything. Nor should it even be a thought in your mind. I love you, and will support you in whatever you do. Whether I think it’s a good idea or not. If things don’t go as well as you would have liked, I will be a shoulder to lean on. I will NOT say, “I told you so” because, hopefully, I never said “Yea or Nay” to begin with. If all your choices turn out well, then damn babe – good on you. Makes me smile.

So, it’s not about you? Oh hell, yes it is. It’s about you trying to be the best possible you. You are no good to anyone else if you are miserable, resentful, angry, or are forced to be self-sacrificing. Decisions and choices made at the proverbial point of a gun cannot have a good outcome.

Has my life been all about me? I wish I could say it has been but I’d be lying. Do I resent the times it hasn’t? For some things yes, for others, no. But at the end of the day, I am responsible for my life, my choices, my happiness – and I really don’t care if anyone approves. Because it is all about me.

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