Thursday, May 21, 2015

Alone/Lonely - Certainly not the same thing


you can be one without the other. I've always defined lonely as wanting/missing something, or someone, you had before but don't have now. Make sense?

I am alone. A loner. Always have been, always will be. It's who I am - no problem. I don't really think of myself as an introvert. I like people. I can live without them tho.  I interact easily with anyone and everyone. And give me an audience, I'm singing and dancing.  I don't like crowds and I don't like people touching me without permission. I'm not really one to hug people I don't know well.  And sometimes I not comfortable with hugging people I DO know well.

This train of thought was promoted by a post from my friend Jennifer - and it reminded me of a poem I wrote a long time ago. About a particular person and my relationship with him. Rooting around in my old writings there is so much about that person and that relationship. How incredibly dysfunctional it was and I have repeated that dysfunction in every relationship I have ever been in.

Oh my old therapist and I would have a high old time if we could sit down and talk all this through. I suppose it all boils down to repeating the same behaviors, trying to get them right. Things is, you never get them right because they were wrong from the very beginning.  Ye-ha - I don't even want to think about this any more - makes my head hurt.

Anyway, this is the old poem I wrote sometime back in the mid-80's
Alone – but lonely?

  No – not that.......

exactly



Just apart from,

that is .............

not a part of.



He and I – alone,

us two, then

we’re together



He and I and

anyone else then

I’m alone and not

a part of



Not we or us or

together

Just me – alone

and he with them.



He a part of....

Me apart from...

Lonely – not exactly



Just alone,

Just one,

Just me.

No comments:

Post a Comment