Monday, September 14, 2020

I am not a philosopher

 Sitting in my in-box is this message from The Universe, from way back in July. 

"When you look at old photos, Grace, it's obvious isn't it? You were good-looking back then. Really good-looking. Yet somehow, at the time, you didn't quite believe it. 
Grace, learn from yesterday, because today you're even better looking than you were then. Way better. You're smarter, too. Funnier. Wiser. More compassionate. Less serious. And you're totally sauntering! "

And I so have to disagree.  Yes, I was good looking back then, really good looking. And yes, at the time I never even thought about it. BUT - 

No, I am not better looking now, there is a certain beauty that comes with youth - no matter how a person's face and body are arranged, if they are young they are beautiful. No matter how life has treated them so far, their youth bestows an inner and outer beauty. If you want a more specific description, I can't give it. Just look, you'll either see it or you won't.

Yes, perhaps I am smarter both via life and books; funnier - yeah, that too.

More compassionate, no, I'm not. I'm old, and jaded and cynical.

Less serious? Oh yeah because when I was young I was very serious. We all were, the world was an ugly bewildering place and we were dying - literally. The fact that none of that has changed? One shrugs one's shoulders.

Sauntering? hell, I can barely walk but they are talking more attitude than agility I think. 

My attitude? Sometimes I still think I have a future and I day dream that future and sometimes I am painfully aware that what I have is a past  - so much past! 

It's not about outside looks, tho those count, they really do and we are lying to ourselves if we say they don't.  And that inner beauty? Where does it come from? It shines through the eyes and through the smiles. It comes from hope and despair. But it also comes from having more future than past. 

When you've used up your future, and looking back, you see the beauty - that's a good thing. But also a sad thing. Joy and sadness, cynicism and hope - they existed then, they exist now, but sadness and cynicism tip the balance now.

2 comments:

  1. YES! When I see how many years I have behind me... and then look at the few I have in front of me... I can get scared a bit, if I think about it too long. So I try not to. The beauty of youth: tight skin, perky you-know-whats, tight butt. I honestly was just thinking of this nary a few days ago, Grace. I vividly remember seeing what I thought was a visible blood vessel on the side of my knee... I think I was about 18 years old. I remember being horrified by it... that I had this "imperfection" on my body. Now, well... let's just say I'd be happy if all I had on my legs were visible blood vessels. Sheesh! But it's funny that I would think about that. I don't know why I did. I think about the old days quite often and about relationships I had, how "nice" I was back then (unjaded), all that jazz. I think about what I would change if I could go back. But we can't go back, can we. And we really can't go that much ahead either... or we'll find ourselves facing our tombstone. Egads!

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    Replies
    1. Not at all what I was talking about but that's the interesting thing...we react according to what pings in our brain.

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