Wednesday, February 03, 2021

View from the other side of the couch

 I don't suppose anyone in therapy ever gives much thought to how their therapist feels, especially after an intense emotional session. Your therapist takes on your problems and pain, carries them with her/him, which is why all therapists have therapists. 

You offload your stuff on to your therapist and she/he must then off-load your stuff, and all the other patient's stuff and their own personal stuff because no one can carry all that pain and trauma, onto another therapist. And it goes on and on - I wonder if there comes a time when there are no more therapists to carry this weight. Is there a saturation point - both for an individual and for the therapeutic community as a whole?  

The  only reason I bring this up is - I had a bad day; a day when I was deeply depressed; a day when my usual anxiety over everything, past, present and future ramped up to magnum force.  I wished for someone to talk to but who? I don't have a therapist to spill this all out to and I sure as hell wouldn't dump it all on a friend (even if I had any I could).  I can't handle all the crap in my head how would anyone else? 

I thought to just write it all out on the blog and turn off comments because I don't want anyone commiserating but I did want to be seen and heard with no input from anyone because, let's face it, there is no way to help. My crap, my problem. 

I don't remember what distracted me but the worst of the mood lifted, it'll be back, anxiety is my middle name, often my first name - it's who I am. 

Perhaps thinking about what therapists have to deal with made me shake it off, counting myself lucky that I only have to deal with MY crap. 

Anyway, as much said as I'm comfortable with, and I don't think too much for y'all to roll your eyes at.

12 comments:

  1. I see you, Grace. Love you too.💜

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  2. Much love. ❤️💕

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  3. Dealing with crap is hard, period, whether it's just your own or more than that. It still counts as crap.

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    1. Yes, which is why I have to be more thoughtful of how of my crap I dump out in public.

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  4. Be good to yourself. Bitch away isn't that what a blog is for? Therapy?

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    1. Bitchin' and whinging and whining is one thing - pouring out your heart and mind is something else - it's a burden on other people, that's not my aim and shouldn't be.

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  5. I saw this yesterday evening and had a lot feelings around it. Harder to put them into words, though. I'm glad you allowed comments. I love you. Having someone listening, paying attention, seeing -- perhaps it's the therapist in me, but I think it helps. And as a therapist, believing that is what makes this work tolerable.

    💕

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    1. It was a conversation we had about you, as a therapist, having to hold your clients pain and trauma, and how hard that can be if some of it is relatable from your own life. Having someone just listen is all it often takes for us to manage our own problems but face-to-face rally makes it work, even if that person only says "Um-hum" We are not always looking for answers or advice - just to be heard and seen. BUT - that really asks a lot from the listener, to take on someone elses, for lack of a better word LOL, crap. I don't want to burden another with my crap.

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  6. I had to switch therapists once, many years ago, when l had to talk to her about my car crash and my grief ... she broke down in front of me ... l understand therapy has its costs on all, but sometimes you don't need your therapists displaying their emotion that way.

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    1. No, you wind up comforting them. But some therapists are so good they are actually funny when expressing 'emotion'. My doctor who was the dearest man in the world, once interrupted me to say in the most calm, modulated, even tone "I'm sorry I'm not to supposed to say things like this but - I do not like your mother" So funny, and so dear. A therapist's way of expressing anger is so different than ours!

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